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Advice for an older man coming to terms with his sexuality isn't always so easy to find. But coming out later in life is not unusual. For example, many men who have been married and raised children make the decision to live life differently when their children are independent. If this is something you are considering, it can be helpful to know you are not alone.Christopher Plummer (who was Captain Von Trapp in
The Sound of Music won an Oscar for his portrayal of a gay widower and father in the Mike Mills film '
Beginners'. Also starring Ewan McGregor,
Beginners is a moving story of a Hal who, at 74, knows what he wants in stark contrast to his straight son Oliver (the McGregor character) who is more or less drifting at age 38. Hal blossoms, exploring parties and
dating, while Oliver struggles so it is a tale that perhaps is not so familiar and one that turns upside down many of the stereotypes about
coming out and sexuality.
Of course any film is just one story and not everything always goes as smoothly for mature men who are coming to new terms with their sexuality. Some struggle with
mental health problems like anxiety and depression. Reading the stories of others can help and there are a number of books around that deal with the issues of coming out later in life. Loren Olsen's book
Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story is one of those. Many men who have struggled their lives with feelings for other men say they have been helped by reading this very personal story. Another book that is recommended is
Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife by Harold Kooden. This book considers issues like aging and its impact on gay life.
Conversations can assist you to work out what is important for your life. Our pages can help if you are looking to
find a gay counsellor or therapist to discuss coming out later in life.
Take a look at our page of
Coming Out films. And if you would prefer to be inspired by Christopher Plummer's performance as Hal, you can
buy the film Beginners here.
